We Got Aints Agin! by Kathi Harper Hill

I think I have mentioned previously, that if you are from around these here parts, you pronounce ain’t, aunt and ant all like the word ain’t.

Or, at least you would have twenty years ago. You may have cleaned up your English to be more in step with modern, social media English, which is to say less accent of any kind.


I have even done it myself, not meaning to, mind you, it just happened.

Anyway, we have aints: the crawling kind, the teeny, tiny aints, the pardon-my-french, piss aint kind of aint.

Also gnats. Pronounced Nats. (Ha! You thought I was gonna say pronounced aints, didn’t you!)

They are both driving me cra-cra – which is a fine example of the new, improved English I’m talkin about. Before, I would have said they are driving me crazy.

I go around smacking, slamming, whacking, killing everything in sight.

Eli, my Maine Coon got in on the action this morning. He was sitting at his food bowl, when suddenly his head started zooming around, then he sat up on his haunches, and, making a full 360 pivot without losing his balance, smacked a gnat four or five times in mid-air. He finished with a “There!” look on his face and resumed eating.

So, I was just wondering if any of ya’ll out there in blog land have ’em too. And if so, do you know why? We got rid of all fruits and such, but that didn’t seem to faze the gnats. They seem to be more after driving us cra-cra.

And the aints? They are in the upstairs bathroom, climbing all over the sink, counter, etc., for no particular reason I can figure.

I may wind up being cra-cra with a capital C if I don’t get these critters kilt off.

More later, I reckon.

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